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"I'm afraid of being judged by people, byyou, the girls, my family. Hell, how would I explain that to my family?" Why would I judge you?" Might think that I was gay and was using you to 'prove' my manhood. Hell,you might have been heartbroken." Afraid of being gay? I don't think that's a worry. You are not gay. I justthink that you are becoming a woman body and soul. Who knows? Maybe your soulwas already a woman, and that's why you were so envious of and attentive towomen." Maybe, but still, it is a bit disconcerting." I added. "I just don't know. Ineed to sleep on all of this talk." Ok, goodnight, sweetie." and she kissed me on the cheek like a sister. Hadshe done that two nights ago, I would have tried to kiss her back. Instead, Ijust said goodnight and lay there lost in my thoughts as I drifted off tosleep.Today, was a big awakening for me. Last night's conversation with Gina helpedme clear a lot of things up. Today, I was going to take a deeper step intowomanhood just to test the. It’s all to do with one person. One person who has helped me so much… I will tell the story of what happened exactly a year before now. Eighteenth birthday… I woke up early with a solemn face. It was a Saturday but I always woke up early on the weekends to do a morning run before everybody was out. I walked up steadily to my full length mirror, and looked at the reflection before me. I had forgotten to take off my black eye shadow and my hair was all over the place. I was in my baggy black pyjamas, the sleeves of my top going way past my wrists. I gulped, my throat dry, as I think about looking at them. I decide to in a split second. I slowly roll up my lengthy sleeves, avoiding staring at the mirror just yet, rolling them up higher and higher until it was secure right at the top of my skinny arms, near my armpits. I held my arms out normally, with my elbows facing the ground and I progressively turned my arms around, looking into the mirror also. My fresh cuts had just about started.
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